Fakin' the Funk

As I look back on life I must admit that I've been fake about everything. Everything from my smiles to my happy-go-lucky attitude. When I smiled, I cried on the inside. When I laughed, my soul screamed for help. But no one knew. What made it worse was no one CARED to know. It's like, we as a people just see what we want and what we don't, we look around, over, under, and through, but never directly. It's not that we don't notice...WE DON'T CARE TO KNOW! Pointblankperiod. And people ask why I don't talk much. [Ana? Not talk much? Yes it's true lol.] But honestly, I can tell you everything about me in full detail: my likes, dislikes, goals, fears, ect. But I know if I do you'll only pick out what they choose to hear and wanna know and understand. So I see no point in wasting my time. -shrug-

Why Isn't Music Made Like This Anymore?

One of thee hottest collabs of all time. Pure unadulterated hip hop right here.

How I Feel...

There have been many times in my life where I felt naive and stupid, but never as much as I do at this moment. Let this be a lesson learned. I hope this heartache is the only scar from this relationship.

This seems like a moment in Hollywood movie-making when the naive protagonist becomes conscious of the passage of time, the disclosure of verity, and a convulsion of regret. It is a climacteric moment; the film is about to come to an despondent but poignant conclusion.

You know. I remember when I was little I used to pick at scabs. Which ended up turnin into a habit that taught me that scrapes don’t heal at the same time that blood darkens and dries. A internal wound takes longer than a external wound to heal. Doesn't matter if its physical or emotional. Life after a relationship starts to recover after the initial grief, later fury, and ultimate awareness that it wasnt meant to be after all. jus like a scab. It's like, everything appears to be moving forward on the surface, but underneath it all, pieces from the past begin to emerge, hoping to fit into the present puzzle. and when history catches up to the here and now, you can’t help but wonder what went wrong. Similar to the cut that coulda, shoulda, woulda, but didn’t heal because you picked at it, so is the relationship that could’ve, should’ve, would’ve, but didn’t succeed because you did something obviously wide of the mark.

Just A Thought

"My loves, you have to know your worth."
********************
"People can be walking along the sands of Africa kicking rocks, and toss the most valuable diamond in the world because they don't know how to polish and refine it."

How Many Licks?

I'm numb; logic smothers the flame within the heart, but I don't ever let it die

keep the fluids runnin, though they get backed up over time

Rush...can you feel it...that adrenaline...butterflies in your stomach, if you can handle the roller coaster...your guaranteed to have some fun

but if you get too nauseous homie better get off of the fast tracks, cause if you make too many nasty noises, you'll see mami run

takin cover...after poking and provoking the beast within silly people...short-lived self-gratification from the reaction

cause I'm numb and bored with the same silly old routine, analyzing and validating the ill will of the ill-willed is the closest thing to satisfaction

bored with playin the role, so I role play til I'm ready to make a scene, the suspense of puttin it out there, stimulating though unworthy to the true craving of the soul

you can get under the skin, to the bone, out through another hole, still aint murder the soul...at times lost but I'm still behind the wheel in control

talk aint cheap it cost valuable time, unless a man is actually makin moves, relationships don't move me

literally and figuratively speakin, loved or fucked over, you better be sure bout what you want to do and do it smoothly

and finish what you started, cause rest assure I compromise and stretch like elastic, but sweetie when I snap back

My alias is Karma, cause I'm giving 10 times back what you gave me, and I ain't sparing jack

An asshole will be an asshole, rather the bullshit is put out there fast or slow

People swear they are pimpin something, when you remain silent just to see how far they will go

Lick off my kindness greedy muhfucka and take a bite of my tootsie, until I roll

How many licks would it have taken to get to my heart and feel real love versus that shit that gets stuck in your teeth...the world may never know


Disclaimer: I didn't know wtf I was writing lol. Just writing stuff that came to mind. So if you're confused then uh. Idk lol.

Beach W/ The Kiddos

So me and the kiddos went to the beach and stayed at mi abuelito's beach house for a few hours. It was pretty brick outside but overall the weather was nice. We had crazy fun just laying out and talking. Surprisingly we had a pretty nice roasting session lol. They may be young but they talk madd shit lol. I wasn't allowed to take any pics cus they wouldn't let me have the camera. But I did end up with a lot of pics of me lol. Not gonna post em all though.

Dreaming

Another dimension, in which decisions do not exist
no private eye, private conversation, private parts
wide open without the fear of contamination
no private eyes digging for lies buried beneath a shallow truth
no whispers in the night...as loud and evident as night and day
no private parts... no forbidden fruit disrupting paradise

Craving to trust like a newborn baby with deep eyes simply seeking to absorb life for all its worth
Must I examine death to truly understand the true meaning of birth
Must I endure poverty to truly understand wealth
Must I fall ill to appreciate good health
Must I meet a stranger to truly distinguish friend from foe
Must I cling to every second of every minute of everyday before I let go

standing on the middle of a see-saw... split decisions and compromise
why must I touch the ground in order for someone else to rise
Balance...good and evil, right and wrong, reality and fiction
Realizing that the wisest are indeed fools, talking and listening
only to dream of a life in which thoughts no longer need come in play
falling asleep once more to escape this world, dreaming of that destined day

I'm Baaaaaaack! =)

Alright alright alriiiiiiiight! So I haven't posted in like weeks but I think I can truly say that I'm back. It's official. I've been on my secret Tumblr shit though to be honest. I don't like it, but it gives me a chance to get my thoughts out of my head. Cus they've been trapped for a minute now. But um, a lot has been going on with me during these past few weeks. Not gonna go into detail but please pray for me cus this is really taking its toll on me emotionally. -sigh- I haven't been reading or commenting blogs lately and I apologize. I've been trying to do a lot of shit and I just haven't done it. So I'm sorry. I'll be back to it starting today. I promise. *pinky promises*

Is It Just Me Or Is PME Doin It?:
So this morning I was on the PME blog cus I got a request on Twitter from somebody. Kinda forgot who; don't judge me. It's 8 in the frickin morning. Anywhoo, I decided to check out the blog since I haven't been there in a good minute. And of course, the first thing I did was listen to see what track was on it. For anyone who knows me, the song on your blog is the first thing I check out when I hit you up. If you have a dope track, I actually sit and READ your post. If I don't like your song, I skim through it. TRUE STORY! But anyway, I'm not gonna go on and on. But yo, Planet Marz is really doin it. I listened to like 4 tracks before I sat down and left a comment on a post lmao. They're no doubt holdin it down in FL so big ups to PME! Ashley, Omie, and the rest of yall...keep doin the damn thing.

Def will have more blog shouts this week. I miss my Blogger fam and I'm so so SO glad to be back. I'm going back to sleep though. Mwuah! Love yall! Yeah, my song is censored. Wtf.

Last night...

Okay so I'm not off of my hiatus but I have a few things to say. Last night I was online minding my business and talking to a few people on AIM when I noticed that stupid TweetDeck thing keep chirping or tweeting or whatever the hell you wanna call it. So as I pulled it up so I could close it, I got an eye full of the conversation going on...about me!! Don't you just love when people talk about you while you're not around? I do! It turns me on. But anyway, after skimming through a little bit of it, I was like whatever and just logged out of Twitter for the night. Not because I was "scared" but because I wasn't in the mood for confrontation. it's not my thing. I had a migraine and just needed to go to sleep. So I said my good nights to the people I was talking to on AIM and crashed. Couldn't go to sleep for shit because I had all of these thoughts running through my head. A lot of "What if's" yanno. Like, "What if they stop talking to me?" and whatever.

NOW, time to clear these accusations up. Yes, this is me. Idc how fake you think I am to be honest. Now the photography pics on the other hand, not ALL mine. Key words being NOT ALL. Not in the mood to go all out and give explanations because I have shit to do and really shouldn't be online to begin with. So to everyone who reads my blog...I'm sorry for the deception.

Then I really thought about it. I didn't build relationships with these people through these pictures. And if it comes down to no one on Blogger or Twitter not wanting to talk to me ever again then so be it. Wasn't meant to be, anyway. I know I did wrong and I apologized for it. But I refuse to kiss anyone's ass. It's not what I do. Not really my thing, yanno. Not tryin to be nonchalant about this like it doesn't matter, because it really does. I care about a lot of people on here and would hate to lose friendships over this. But if it happens then so be it. Now, it's back to my hiatus from Blogger and possibly Twitter as well....MAYBE Twitter but I doubt it. I have a lot of shit going on in my personal life that needs to be handled. Has nothing to do with this situation.