Wednesday, March 25, 2009

How I Feel...

There have been many times in my life where I felt naive and stupid, but never as much as I do at this moment. Let this be a lesson learned. I hope this heartache is the only scar from this relationship.

This seems like a moment in Hollywood movie-making when the naive protagonist becomes conscious of the passage of time, the disclosure of verity, and a convulsion of regret. It is a climacteric moment; the film is about to come to an despondent but poignant conclusion.

You know. I remember when I was little I used to pick at scabs. Which ended up turnin into a habit that taught me that scrapes don’t heal at the same time that blood darkens and dries. A internal wound takes longer than a external wound to heal. Doesn't matter if its physical or emotional. Life after a relationship starts to recover after the initial grief,
later fury, and ultimate awareness that it wasnt meant to be after all. jus like a scab. It's like, everything appears to be moving forward on the surface, but underneath it all, pieces from the past begin to emerge, hoping to fit into the present puzzle. and when history catches up to the here and now, you can’t help but wonder what went wrong. Similar to the cut that coulda, shoulda, woulda, but didn’t heal because you picked at it, so is the relationship that could’ve, should’ve, would’ve, but didn’t succeed because you did something obviously wide of the mark.

5 comments:

Miss.Stefanie said...

I think scars remind us of the past. Te past make's us stronger and the stronger we are the better the person we are.

itchypalms914 said...

awww, i hope u get your man back or wateva...

Hustler In Lipgloss said...

Love the blog!

Jasmine Hormes said...

Amen.

diplomatikk said...

first of all,
i always admired the way you write, & express yourself.

" Life after a relationship starts to recover after the initial grief, later fury, and ultimate awareness that it wasnt meant to be after all"

i'm al the "later fury" part right now, and damn it's crazy. ultimate awareness its creeping up behind me - but i'm trying to stay ahead of it - because i don't want to believe that i made a mistake in choosing HIM, & actually trying to get serious with someone who i thought was so well put together. turns out, he was just an asshole.

i wish i didn't shoulda-woulda-coulda'd my relationship with him ... but you can't help but wonder, DAMN.

anyway-
whatever it is with you, you gotta realize some things were meant to happen to make us strong - and to go wrong to make us wiser.

:)